Happy Birthday!

So today is my daughters 3rd birthday. It's so hard to believe that my baby is 3. It has been a interesting and sometimes difficult three years. My daughter really tries my patience sometimes. And the fact that she will smile or laugh when she does some of the things she does tells me that she knows 1. that what she's doing in wrong and 2. that what she's doing aggrevates me. I'm really gonna need to work hard on having patience with this little girl. But anyway, Happy Birthday Jasmine Grace! Mommy loves you.

New Year, New Me........Maybe?

So I started this blog not long after I had my daughter with good intentions, but those quickly fell by the wayside what with the whole single mom, going to full-time and all. But this year I hope to be able to keep up with the blogging, if I can stay off Facebook and Pinterest all the time, LOL!
I guess I should put my New Years resolutions into print and maybe I'll be able to keep them. Some of the things I hope to accomplish this year are:
1.Be a better Mom......not that I'm a call to CPS bad, but I just feel like there are days when my daughter pushes my buttons for fun and I don't always react the way I should. I have to remember that she is only 2 (though REAL close to 3 now) and not 12, so I can't talk to her like she is. It just doesn't work that way. And I also need to start getting her to bed earlier, her staying up until all hours of the night is bad for both of us, especially since I'm about to start the difficult part of my Surgical Tech program.
2. Watch my mouth......now that I have a little parrot who repeats most everything that I say, I need to stop having a potty mouth. This one also goes along with my next resolution.
3. Become a better Christian. I know that noone is perfect but I know that I can be better. It's gonna take a bit of work especially since I frequently feel awkward and a little left out in most situations, and I haven't attended Bible class in years. I don't really know where I belong on Sunday morning since we don't have a Singles or 20-30's class at my church. I've considered visiting at other churches but I don't do well in new settings and get shy with people I don't know........this one is going to be quite hard.
4. Get more financially stable and be more responsible with my money. I know I need to stop spending money on random junk that I don't need. Being a boredom and/or stress shopper is a dangerous thing. Hopefully I can start shopping only when I need to replace something that we are out of in the house and not just because I think something is cool, or because it's new. I now have a child with a semi-serious medical condition that I'm taking care of, I need to have a back-up plan/fund in case something happens.
5. Stop eating out so much and start eating in more. This will also help with saving money. I have all these cookbooks and recipe ideas but I never put them to good use. It's time to start. Plus I have a floor freezer full of food I need to empty.
6. Last but not least, I know it's cliche but get in shape. I need to start working out so that I can continue to fit the clothes that I already have and if possible fit into some that are a little snug better. I also want to cut back my soda and tea drinking, and stop eating so many carbs (mmm pasta and bread) which are my diet downfalls.
Hopefully I'll be able to follow through with these resolutions for longer than a week and have something to be proud of and brag about at the end of the year.

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Progress

So I'm kind of excited that Jasmine is starting to put herself on a pretty decent sleep schedule. She is usually in bed before 9. I know that's late for a 10 month old but it's better than the 10:30-11 she was going to bed. So I'm thankful for this even if noone else benefits from it.

Now if I can get her to stop turning 90 degrees in her crib and bumping her head on the side rails. And to sleep past 7:30..... Mommy doesn't really do mornings. LOL. Motherhood is not always the most glamourous thing but it's woth it.

My mindset

So I have come to the conclusion that I am probably going to be single for a long time. I have had the worst luck with men. I'm sure it's because I date the wrong men though. Case in point, my daughters father. He's young and not ready to settle down with one person. He still has this young man mentality of dating as many as people as he possibly can, some at the same time. I kinda stupidly hoped that after our daughter was born that he and I would be together but it hasn't worked out that way so far. The last time we talked about "us" he told me that while he knows that I love him , that I'm not in love with him. I really don't know what to say to that. It's kinda true. I do love him and want this to work but I've been hurt so much in the past, even by him, that I'm afraid of being in love again. I don't know how to trust anymore. And that is sad. I'm 31, a single mom, with no prospects of anyone to date in my immediate future and I'm afraid to trust anyone else with my heart. Being a single mom is gonna make it that much harder to find anyone to date. I guess I didn't really think things all the way through last year. I kinda hate my life right now.

New to this....

So I am new to this whole blog spot thing. I guess I'm mainly looking for somewhere to vent and ramble without having to edit my thoughts. If anyone should happen to stumble upon this, I apologize in advance, and if I should happen to get a "following" then you're just as random as me and there may be no hope for either one of us. Anyway, hopefully I am able to update this fairly often but life is always busy with a teething, learning to walk 9 month old in the house. Have a good night all.